nocturnallupine: Miniture Dragon (Default)
If you know the answer to that question you are one up on me. I've just got my financial situation sorted....ish. But both my physical and mental health continue to be an issue.

I'm going for acupuncture on my side and stomach on the 19th and the following three weeks as I can not have the surgery as it is too high risk with not a good prognosis after. My mental health is a source of worry as I don't seem to be affected by the meds that I take. I take so many tablets for pain, anxiety, panic attacks, anger issues, depression and hallucinations, it's a wonder that I don't rattle.

I attend two groups, one is a women's social and we just sit and chat and talk about anything we want. I rather like talking to someone who has similar issues as they get what I am going through. My other group is a creative writing group and it is possible one of the best part of my week. We have a good laugh and talk about anything and everything but we also get a lot of writing done. I'm going to start posting some of my work, I hope you all will be gentle and give constructive criticism.

I shall leave this as it is, short and to the point but I will be posting again soon.
nocturnallupine: Miniture Dragon (Default)
So my mum is now on the mend after an operation for bowel cancer but not without scaring the living shit out of us all. She had a couple of small heart attacks after and now she is losing a lot of weight but it's because her bowels haven't settled down yet. It's taking longer than expected but hopefully soon it will be sorted.

My daughter is no longer planning on moving out for her last year of Uni, she's realised that it would cost her more financially than staying at home. She gets her meals and laundry done at home and only has to pay board. She's passed her exams so she will be doing another year starting in September. I'm very proud of her, she's doing really well, juggling Uni life, work and a healthy social life. She is one of the best things that I have ever done in my life.

The other is my son. He had gotten back together with the psycho from Ireland but she came for a visit recently and he ended up telling her to book her flight and fuck off back home. The final straw was her trying to smash his head through a brick wall. It's a good job he didn't tell me until after she had gone home, I had already told him that if anything bad happened to her while she was here I would take the fall for it. I'm a good mom and I raised my kids to only use violence if someone tries to hurt them. I never said I wouldn't use violence though.

Myself, I've finally got an appointment with the pain management team. I'm going next week, we'll see what they have to say. I'm on a stronger dose of anti-depressants, the tablets for anxiety didn't work (in fact they made me worse) and I've been given some sleeping tablets because the anti-depressants cause insomnia. I've gone from sleeping like the dead to looking like the walking dead. I shuffle around in a daze. The sleeping tablets worked for a couple of nights but even though I'm still taking them, they aren't as effective. I have to have a break from them and then try them again in a couple of weeks. My dogs are doing well, their training is coming on nicely. The cats are all addicted to catnip and my allotment has been a bit neglected lately with all the goings on with my mum but I shall be getting back down there this week and get some weeding done and some plants put in. I may not get a lot grown this year but I can certainly get the beds prepped for next time.

So that's it for now, I hope that everyone is well in their own lives and no matter if you choose to comment, read or ignore this post I hope you are all living life to the fullest. I mainly do this blog as it's quite cathartic and my therapist recommended that I write down whatever is bugging me. So again I say bye for now. Catch you on the flip side and remember Don't Order Dog.
nocturnallupine: Miniture Dragon (Default)
I'm starting to get worried. I can't stop reading and writing fan fiction. I've got a stack of books that I need to read and review but I just can't stop with the fan fiction. I may need to seek help....... well, maybe after one more story and another chapter too. Lol..... I think I may just have to start a support group, we could all sit at our laptops and talk about what fan fiction we are reading/writing at the time and give each other help. I'm not sure what the steps would be though. Maybe I'm over-thinking this, maybe it's not a problem... at least not for me, just the rest of my household. They are already avoiding me due to my health issues so what's another reason to add to that.

Anyway, I need your help. I'm looking for a fan fiction which is a cross-over between Angel and Harry Potter. It starts with Angel and Co going to England to help getting rid of Voldemort, Doyle returns, Cordy still has the visions but she stays in England to help Draco as he works to gain redemption. He opens a P.I. firm in Diagon Alley, Cordy works for him, there is a house elf that she adopts and dresses in Connor's baby clothes, Susan Bell and Marcus Flint also come to work with them....oh and Cordy kicks Narcissa's arse with a broom.

If anyone knows the name of the author or the story, I would be most grateful. In fact I will send cookies to anyone who helps, well I would if I could send them via the internet.
nocturnallupine: Miniture Dragon (Default)
My mum has to have surgery, she's going in on the 18th. Her options were limited due to high risk of complications. If she has the radiotherapy, there's a high probability of it damaging her heart and has she has already had a heart-attack a few years ago, that's going to be the back up plan. The surgery also comes with its own risks to her heart and as with all surgeries there is a few other things that could go wrong, but we are keeping a positive mental attitude. She will have a permanent stoma which she will have to get used to, they have said she will be in hospital at least a week as they want to make sure that everything goes ok.
And it fucking sucks, I hate feeling useless. I hate seeing both of my parents upset. I thought my dad was going to lose it when she had the heart-attack, I can't imagine what he will be like with this looming over them. Why does shit keep happening?
There rant over......for now anyway.
nocturnallupine: Miniture Dragon (Default)
So my life still looks like it could be a tv programme. I'm still medicated for pain but I'm waiting for an appointment from the pain clinic as an operation is too high risk with no guarantee for success. I'm on more meds for depression and anxiety but I am able to go outside on my own now. I have two wonderful dogs that I have to walk every day, they are a cross between a Staffordshire bulldog and a Poodle, they are called Sirius and Cass.
My daughter is in her second year of Uni but she is ramping up for September, she's going to move out and live with a couple of her friends. I'm taking the *Ignore it and it isn't going to happen* route. I know it's sad but that's just the way I am. I haven't cried about it but I'm sure that will come with moving day.
My son has finally come home from Ireland. He left the psycho girlfriend and she didn't even wait until he had left the house, never mind the country before she was flirting with other guys, she also sent a video of herself making the beast with two backs with another guy and sent it to my son. It just about killed him but he made excuses for her. She's had a hard life, she's been abused, she's been raped, her mother doesn't want to live with her. As far as I am concerned she's just a dirty, scaggy girl who keeps using her past as an excuse to treat him like crap. She's come over for a fortnight in an attempt to make things right with me but I don't forgive as easily as my son.
Then there's the husband, he's pissed every weekend from Thursday to Saturday, his daughter keeps asking for money and he keeps giving her some. She's got one daughter and another baby on the way, my thinking is, if you can't manage your money with one child you shouldn't be bringing another into this world. Her boyfriend is the biggest, thickest waste of space going. He can't read or write properly so he has her fill in any application forms for him. There is no reason in this world for someone to be so illiterate, there are classes for adults and help if there are certain difficulties too.
And finally, my mum has been diagnosed with cancer. I'll find out what sort of treatment she is going to have tomorrow, or rather later today, we know it's surgery and radiography but not the order and when. She's going to find out if it's spread, if it's going up the body or down and it totally sucks as she had a heart attack a few years ago and we've only just gotten to the point where we don't keep watching her with bated breath, we don't have to keep asking if she has her spray with her as it is now second nature.
Life is a total drama and I wish for a little while anyway, that it would give me a break.
nocturnallupine: Miniture Dragon (Default)
I found this site through a post on LiveJournal. I'm very pleased to be hear and hope I can find some great stories and friends.

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